Anna (32) is a fashion designer – as might be inferred from her hairstyle (a dark, angular bob) and her brightly coloured clothes. She’s the sort of person who likes to make a go of things and she had some lively online correspondence with prospective dates, but she reported that their enthusiasm seemed to wane when she told them that she’s 1.59m (5’3”) tall and weighs 80kg (about 175 lbs or 12 ½ stone). “I’m pretty happy with the way I look,” she says, “but most men seem to want a woman to be slim.” That being said, the experience has made her wary of making new contacts.
Physical features and proportions are one thing, but what about the effect of a person’s situation in life? For instance, somebody who is unemployed might find that prospective partners take a less than generous view on the matter – and this doesn’t do a great deal for one’s confidence either.
Life in cyberspace
An advantage of online dating, especially with PARSHIP, is that you have the opportunity to present yourself from your best side and to focus on your personality and values – which are what matter most deeply. But what happens when you want to take things from cyberspace to ‘real life’ ? When you’re online, it’s important to make some kind of reference to your appearance and your personal circumstances, and to be honest about yourself without providing excess information.
What should I say – and when?
If you have an ‘Achilles heel’, should you mention it online? If it’s something that is likely to make a significant impact as soon as you meet, you would do best to mention it ahead of time, but you shouldn’t make a big deal of it or go into too much detail. And it you put someone off, then, let’s face it, they wouldn’t have been the right person for you. And there are people who will appreciate you all the more for your honesty.
Making contact with someone and getting to know them always requires a bit of courage, whether online or in the ‘real world’. But if you have got in touch with someone on the Internet and feel there could be potential, don’t wait too long before arranging to meet them in real life; otherwise, both of you could find your imagination running away with you. You should wait a few weeks at maximum before taking the plunge and arranging a date. If you feel you have a perceived ‘flaw’ that presents a potential barrier, don’t let it become a pretext for taking a passive or even defeatist attitude. Keep approaching people you think look interesting, especially if you are feeling in an especially good and positive mood. And if things don’t work out, boost your confidence by getting together with friends who really value you for what you are, and then prepare yourself to get back online and make some new contacts. The right person for you really could be that proverbial mouse-click away.