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Online dating profiles

just don't think I'm fussy but I judge a book by its cover...

Most people have an overpowering sense that they know straight away when they meet someone but in reality all they judge in those first minutes is how confident someone is and how good they are at presenting themselves and neither of these traits are that important for a relationship in real life

just don't think I'm fussy but I judge a book by its cover...

Dear Nafsika,

I've been a member of Parship for 2 months now but I've not been having a great deal of success. I haven't met with any of my contacts, for one reason or another - they fizzle away eventually, or seem incompatible with me or simply not my type.

I had been in fairly lengthy contact with someone by email, but he has mysteriously ceased contact despite beginning to organise when to meet, leaving me a little confused. That's part and parcel of online dating, I suppose, albeit a bit rude, but I feel discouraged by my lack of positive outcomes.

I consider myself to be reasonably attractive and an interesting person, and I suppose I am quite selective about who I hook up with. I've been on a dating site before and learnt from tried and tested experience that I have an accurate idea, within a few minutes of meeting someone, of whether or not a relationship has any potential, and naturally those whose photos fit a certain expectation in my mind tend to fare better. So I tend to trust my gut feeling. I totally accept Parship's approach to matching people up on the basis of personality rather than physical appearance, but I'm reluctant to meet anyone who doesn't come close to that fit, as I don't want to upset or disappoint them, or be disappointed myself.

I feel a bit like I've dug myself into a hole! Do you have any advice for me? E.g. is there anything one should avoid during first contact by email? What can I do differently? Any advice would be great!

Thanks, I look forward to your reply,

Caroline

Dear Caroline,

You have a great profile and beautiful pictures. Nothing to worry about there. Don't be too disappointed that this one man hasn't been in touch. The most likely explanation is that he had a date with someone else which went really well and he has forgotten about everyone else for the time being. As you said a bit rude, but nothing personal. I suspect that the problem is that you are a little too quick to decide that someone's not right. Most people have an overpowering sense that they know straight away when they meet someone but in reality all they judge in those first minutes is how confident someone is and how good they are at presenting themselves and neither of these traits are that important for a relationship in real life. To draw a parallel it's a bit like the difference between being good at job interviews and being good at a job - some people are rubbish at job interviews but do really well in an actual job (and the other way round of course). Apart from that, I'd say keep being active on the site, don't rely on the contact requests you receive, but send lots of emails, icebreakers and look at lots of people's profiles. Best Wishes, Nafsika

If you want to ask Dr Thalassis's advice send an email to coaching@parship.co.uk

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